“How could
someone hurt you but still make you feel so good?(…)
Just cause he
gives you pain, that don't mean he ain't the one(…)
So my advice
would be no don't leave, don't go so easy, no
Let that
argument turn you on
It's worth it
And these are
the lessons learned by lovers
These are the
reasons we make love
There's no
exception, one day we gotta look each other in the eye
You learn all
these lessons when you're in love
A lesson for
the lover, for the lover
"Talking to a close friend, having a deep conversation about life,
about love, about simple things that we make it complicated, made me think
about too many things in my life right now. Sometimes, we just think that we
can erase feelings, deep feelings, from our heart, convincing ourselves that we
can be happy by ourselves or someone will magically appear and solve our
problem. We think that, in a relationship, we don’t suffer, that everything is
colorful, just ups and no downs, roses without thorns.
I started thinking by myself about those things that he said, I was
thinking, thinking, thinking and thinking. I started overthinking and I decided
to listen to Usher’s song Lessons for the
lover. It made me think more about my life. I have a crush, no, it’s not
even a crush, because the feeling that I have for him is so deep that I can’t
even name it a crush! It’s … love, yes! It’s LOVE!
Our story is damn complicated; we both got our hearts broken by each other. That’s why now we both are afraid to suffer, (ok, I am going to talk
about me), I am afraid of that because I got disappointed by someone that is
very special in my life. I started hiding my feelings, being scared of having
another relationship, convincing myself that I didn’t like him anymore.
Though, the things are not that easy. We just don’t stop liking,
loving someone when we want, when we say “ok, I am done, it’s over, I don’t
want it no more!” It takes time, we have to be patient. But, how can we get
over if our heart doesn’t want? If we both still have a connection?
It’s hard because we both don’t share too many feelings with each
other, it’s hard to “read” him, I don’t like reading people wrong, ooooh, here
it is! Fear of suffering, fear of rejection, yeah, that’s what I am afraid of,
urrgh. Why I make things so complicated? Why?
I pray to God every day, begging for a sign, for me to know if I
give up or if I just wait until I get home and see what’s going to happen. Try
to keep my business here tho, but my heart is so damn far away that I prefer to
do anything, chill just by myself. People say that we have to get into a
relationship when we are ready and not when we are lonely. Yes, I am ready!
But, just with the person that I love, that is far away for me, which makes me
feel that he doesn’t want to talk with me, but I know deep inside my heart that
he feels the same way that I feel now! I know!
“50% happiness; 50% suffering; both need to keep it real and the
relationship depend on both”, that’s what a friend told me. I had that chance
before I got here, but I refused because I was afraid of getting hurt again. I
have realized that I am a stupid f*cking dumb ass for thinking that way. Now, I
am suffering two times more, because I lost a chance of trying to be happy with
someone that I really love.
December is coming, I am going home. What to expect? What to expect?
What to do? Do I go after him and tell him that I love him so much and I can’t
handle being without him? Or … I just chill, stay on the corner and let things
go? It is so hard to decide, my heart says GO, GO AND BE HAPPY. My brain says,
DO U REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO YOU? DO YOU WANT TO GET HURT AGAIN?
There is the question: do I wait to be happy with another person? Or
do I wait till I go home and be happy with the one I love? I believe in God, I
believe in his timing, he knows what the right thing is for me. He will give me
the answer …"
A letter from a hopeless romantic girl